The neuropsychologist (a quiet man, I've only met him twice, but that's enough time to suppress the thought I wish you were my father), he looked at me and said, "Usually? Either post-traumatic stress disorder, which from what you've said is unlikely, or depression and anxiety."

I said, "I'm not depressed."

Because that switch in my head never responds. Because I still don't act, I just observe. Because I'm too distant to despair.

He said, "Or, sometimes, it's a personality disorder."

Every feeling I have is epileptic; there for five seconds, then gone, then it's quiet. Sometimes I dream. Five seconds. Now it's gone.

He said, "I'll send the report to you and your doctor. It should take three to four days."

I said, "Good." I walked out. I will never see that man again.

Five seconds.